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HARVEL HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

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Captain's Log (Still unable to flush it away!)

 

 

16th October Amsterdam Marathon

The View From the Potty, is brought to you today from 30,000 feet, as I fly home leaving Doggy to once again sample the delights of downtown Amsterdam. (ahem)  Oddly enough, there were about 30,000 feet, belonging to the 15,000 odd runners taking part in today's race.
To be honest, I've never been so impressed in all of my racing career. The toilet in the hotel (see photo attached) was an Geberrit 2000. You know the one, dual flush, soft closing lid etc. The absolute best bit though, was the lighting in the room, where you could zone certain areas (including the crapper) with different 'mood lighting'.

You will see from the attached that the mood was a subtle, toxic green. This as I overslept a little and Wilks was first to use the loo this morning.
The Off Off was from the sports stadium, which really added to the occasion. Thankfully the Doggy crowd and the Potty crowd managed to meet up, before we got underway. The adjacent was taken just minutes before crossing the start line

The course was flat and fast (for the fast ones anyway) and flat and slow for the rest of us mere mortals. Lots of portaloos along the route, but try as I might, I just couldn't get the mood lighting right and decided to pass the majority of them by.

 Doggy, Wilks and I were joined by two other potential hashers, Alex (our lady solicitor chum) and her friend Jonathan who were chasing sub 3.40 and sub 3.30 respectively. Wilks was once again acting as pacer, this time for Alex (surely there has to be a club name there somewhere). Meanwhile we were ably supported by the HHHH away team / appreciation society, Lyn and their two friends, plus Nicole (Jonathan's wife).
Managed to see Lyn & co twice enroute which was fabulous and Lyn was later shown some of the more deviant aspects of our hotel (try to zoom in on the individual rooms, in the picture hung in the lobby). This appeared to be the more normal activity on a non-marathon weekend. Believe it or not, the 'moodpad' remote control really did have a 'love mode'. Wilks and I didn't try this button. Amsterdam or not, I wasn't having any of that funny business.



 

 Wilks and Alex detected a very strong whiff of something other than 'old shag' at about 30km. Don't believe they stopped, but next 5k were apparently a little hazy. Then on to the stadium for the finish, powering (ahem) around the final 400m before breasting the tape (that had been broken about 1hr and 50mins previously)   As for timings:
Jonathan 3.26 (blimey.....he can't join the HHHH). Alex & Wilks. 3.42
Potty 3.55 Doggy 4.40.
> Stop Press,!
> Bib 3151 Rich Woodhams, City of Gravesend, 3.55.11
> Bib 7269 Ian Carey, City of Harvel!!  4.40.53

Are we a running club or a swimming club? - Ed

    

 

2nd October Loch Ness Marathon

Subject: Deputy Head Girls report on Nessie.

 

Well after a very enjoyable (?) and eventful weekend, I shall try to outline some of the amusing antics the away team engaged in, although nothing in comparison to certain members of England's rugby team, at least not that I was aware of and anyway they were all too knackered on Sunday night to do very much !!!
     Firstly I must say a big 'thank you' to Duck for organising us in relation to flights and taxi pick up times, as you will see things definitely deteriorated after she left us very early Monday morning and we had to fend for ourselves.
     The journey to Inverness went relatively smoothly, LL hadn't realised he could get his boarding pass on line so had to queue, but that was the only incident.
Wolvie and Embaa had already arrived at the B&B and Wolvie very kindly collected Wiz, Duck, LL and myself from a wet Inverness airport. In fact we hadn't seen any rain for a while and all commented on it's  'wetness' and what a difference a drop in 10 degrees C made........
     We then went on the search for food to aid our carbo loading. We had booked an Italian restaurant a month in advance, which was just as well as there were 4,000 runners all looking for pasta that night!!!! The pasta was good though, with 'Marathon specials' on offer, but there was an endless stream of unlucky and hungry runners being turned away as Little Italy was only a little place and was already packed to capacity.

 

 
 
We had been told by Ross, the jovial owner of our B&B, that the walk into town was "only 12 mins." and that breakfast (consisting of proper porridge, toast and honey) was at 7am, however we needed to get to the park in the centre of Inverness for 7.30 as the runners were transported in coaches to the start.  Now, we had just walked into town and it had taken much longer than this, more like 40 mins.  So after several calculations and discussions with Google,  Wolvie and Wiz decided the timing wouldn't work and that we would miss the bus.  Wiz said he would ask for breakfast to be at 6.45 instead. Ross was none too impressed by this however and said in no uncertain Scottish terms, that "breakfast was at 7 and there was no point coming down any earlier as you would only be eating china". You have to imagine this being said with a wicked sense of humour and a strong scottish accent!  So it was back to the drawing board and Wolvie said the only solution was to take the car.  Wolvie to the rescue again!!  So we set our watches for a 6.15 start and went to get some sleep.
 
Race morning started cloudy and dark, nervous runners were eating their porridge, toast and honey and drinking tea.  The time had come, so we all bundled into Wolvie's car with poor Embaa squashed in the boot with all the kit bags.   LL said he hadn't 'had time' to write his details on the back of his race number, so was in a bit of a panic, anyway we were ushered onto a coach which was one of many and settled down for the journey to the start.   We were travelling for about half an hour or so when LL asked Wiz where all those people kept going, Wiz replied that they were going to the toilet, "oh, he said, is there a screen there or something"?? Wiz was rather taken back by this comment and asked LL if he had been on a coach before?   "Yes," he replied but "only one with the toilet at the back not the middle"??  No further audible comment from Wiz...

Although we hadn't taken much notice of the toilet until highlighted by LL, it turned out to be the best thing we could have wished for, but we didn't appreciate it at the time.. ...

As this progression of buses and coaches makes it way through the narrow roads towards the start, there are increasing numbers of stops along the way. We all presumed this was due to the congestion on the road as there were so many buses, but we gradually realise that when the buses stop, loads of runners get off and head for the heather???
You may recall that 4,000 runners were assembled in a communal toilet in the middle of nowhere, it had started raining and the start was delayed by at least 10 mins.because all the buses had to stop for loo breaks on the way....  Wiz had disappeared into the heather with Wolvie's loo roll, the other hashers had made their way to the start line, or so we thought, and I was I dutifully waiting for Wiz to complete his business. By the time he reappeared through the mist,  the pipers had started playing, and very rousing it was too, they progressed through the crowds of runners to the front of the start and then we were off, to the sound of Scotland the Brave. Very emotional and stirring..... even Wiz was impressed despite his earlier complaints, but then he is half Scot!
The first 5 miles or so was a doddle, down hill virtually all the way... amazingly runners were still peeing into the heather and I saw one woman squatting on the road side, but then if it was good enough for Paula who cares!!! 
 The views coming down the glen towards the Loch were amazing, the mist was beginning to lift and it wasn't raining so much now, just that fine rain which was quite pleasant.  Wiz was going really well and we wondered where the others were and whether we might catch Emm and Wolvie up as they said they were going to 'take it easy'.  We were at about 9.30 pace and still going strong at half way.   ''They must be doing really well'' I said as we kept chasing yellow vests only to find they weren't Emm or Wolvie.  This spurred us on because we really did believe they were in front of us at the start. 
Wiz said he wanted to stop about 15 to have a gel and a drink.  I'm not too keen on stopping but took some photos of the Loch while he had a rest. On we went, still pushing out 9.30 pace but I knew the 'hill' was at 17 to 18 and thought we should have a bit of a breather so wanted to drop the pace a bit. Wiz was having none of it though, because he had it in his mind that he would have to walk up the hill, so I let him do his own thing.  Sure enough I caught him up at about 18 or 19 but as I can't cope with stopping I carried on.....I still hadn't seen the others and was delighted, thinking they must be having a fantastic run.
 
I got to the finish and went to look for the rest, still believing they were ahead of me, I heard 'Craig Murphy'  being called out over the tannoy so hobbled over to see him finish in 4.23 a truly fantastic effort, mind he looked a bit pale so we got to some seats and he sat down. I started my search for tea, and came back with some for Wiz only to find LL sitting with Wiz, he had done an incredible 4.03, amazing for a first marathon but was understandably bemoaning the fact that he had just missed out on the elusive sub 4, but more on that later......
 
I had located Duck in the massage tent, she had been behind us at the start and had suffered stomach cramps for the first 3 miles and had needed to use the 'portaloos' as she didn't fancy the heather. She also had knee problems so hadn't enjoyed the rest of the run but still did an excellent time of 4 .45 I believe,  although she could easily have ran closer to 4 without the stomach and knee problems. 
 
I had been looking for Wolvie and Embaa in the food and beer tent, where else would you find Wolvie, but then we heard his name on the tannoy and I went to see them finish.  They came in together, ahhh, as Wolvie had been in trouble with his boll0cks again, so Embaa had 'stood by her man' and helped him through the pain barrier.  LL had an interesting solution for Wolvie's disappearing bollock, and thought that putting an elastic band round it would stop it disappearing into his body.... Wiz pointed out that he didn't think that was the answer as that was how they castrated sheep and cattle and he was sure Wolvie wouldn't be too impressed!!!!
 
Mind as soon as he finished Wolvie headed off to the food tent and somewhere there is a picture of him licking the plate clean..
 
Duck was still being 'massaged', it must have been bad, but finished just in time for the team photo by a conveniently placed Nessie. Thankfully we didn't have to go hunting for the bloody thing as by this time we were all really stiff and could just about hobble to the car.  As we were walking to the car however, we caught site of Duck having a sneaky fag, much to our astonishment and managed to get the evidence to produce at a later date as required......  we also tried to take a photo of LL taking a photo of himself, but by the time we had realized what he was doing, he had taken several snaps of himself with his I phone!!!!!!
 
Poor Embay was stuffed into the boot again and thankfully Wolvie had recovered his missing bull0ck and was well enough to drive us back, bless.....
 
So that was the race done and dusted. A great achievement for the marathon virgins,  it was back to the B&B were Ross had the Champagne on ice and the celebrations could start........

 

That's right,  we are now back at the B&B, showered and refreshed, with champagne corks popping.... who said we couldn't drink 4 bottles!!!!  We are all sitting in the lounge analyzing the race, a bit like they do on the telly after the 'match'. 
 Wiz is delighted with his achievement, and so he should be, particularly as he feels it is a 'good enough' time so he won't ever have to do another one! 
 Duck is a bit disappointed that she had 'stomach' problems and her knee was painful, so there was a bit of analysis as to why she had to go to the toilet so many times and whether it was something she ate the day before?? could it have been the meat balls in Little Italy, or the orange juice at breakfast? 
 
 Wolvie is just glad he is back with all his' bits in the right place and Embaa is considering her impressive achievement of 3 marathons in a year and the fact that she ran the last one with no training!!!!  LL, however, is berating himself because he apparently took 'advice' from a friend who had run Loch Ness and said that you needed to walk up the two steep hills for 2 mins and then continue running.  LL took this advice, even though he felt he could have run up both hills with out stopping, and obediently walked for 2 minutes on each hill.  
He realises though, that he 'missed' getting a sub 4 time by 4 minutes and works out that as 2 plus 2 makes 4, that must be the missing 4 minutes!  so had he run up the hill instead of walking, he would have been under 4 hours!!! 
 I guess the moral of the story is that you have to 'run your own race'. 
Still,  LL knows he can get under the 4 hours so will have to run another marathon to prove the point.....
 
 
The champagne is still flowing and Peter, another 'Nessie runner' arrives back at the B&B. We invite him to join us and offer him a glass of bubbly, well it seemed rude not to.
He sits with us and we exchange the usual pleasantries about the run. We ask him how he did? He replies that he was very pleased with his 2.50 something and came 16th overall !!!! 
Truely we have a God in our midst!, Mind I think Wiz would have taken the glass of champers out of his hand if he could have got out of his chair....the joke was that he only trained twice a week, can you believe it.....
 
It was difficult to know what to say after that, but he was a great bloke, we took some photos and gave him the H4 web address, perhaps he would like to join? mind it would be a bit of a journey for training on a Tuesday as he lives in Newcastle !!!!
 After we had drained the last bottle,  we set off for town, this was now at a very slow pace, but we didn't care, we had finished a marathon, drunk champagne and met a God, so could it get any better????
 Well Wolvie thought it could and herded us towards the Castle pub, it had a great write up in his bible?  so off we follow. 
Indeed the beer is very good and we sample some of their finest ales.  By now things are beginning to feel a bit hazy for deputy head girl as she's ok with Champagne but not beer and apparently another bottle of sparkling wine shared with Duck!
 There are a few photo's of the restaurant but other than that I have no other recollections,  apart from Wolvie arguing with the taxi driver because he started the clock running before we were even in the cab!!
 Unfortunately I don't know what happened in the end as I don't even remember going to bed,  although I apparently kicked Wiz out of the double bed and made him sleep in the single ???? He must have been snoring again.....
 Some how Duck gets up at a ridiculously early time the next morning and heads home. She has to fly to Boston later in the day and will only get an hour and a half turn around before heading off to Heathrow!  She has given Ken instructions for her washing and ironing in advance it seems,  and presumably he is waiting at the door to do her laundry the moment she arrives! 
What's the secret Duck????
We all feel sorry for her as she must be shattered and sore and none of us fancy the idea of a long haul flight at the end of 26.2 miles...
 The rest of us drift down for breakfast at about 8.45, Wolvie is already tucking into his second helping of black pudding as no one else wanted it, and wiping the plate clean with his toast...
 LL wanders down a few minutes before 9, breakfast finishes at 9, and our jovial host tells him that the kitchen is closed!
LL looks horrified and replies that he 'set his alarm so as not to be late'.  Ross realises that he hasn't got the joke and reassures him it's ok and takes his order. 
 
There is some discussion between LL, Wiz and myself as to our flight times.  Duck had arranged the taxi from Gatwick back to Harvel and I was sure it was about 3.30 so the flight should be about 2.  We are contentedly finishing our breakfast thinking we have plenty of time and that we could take a stroll into town to get the Haggis. 
Wiz checks the flight tickets and with some alarm says that the flights are at midday so we need to be leaving in half an hour!!!   
LL says he hasn't packed, nor have we and we haven't got the Haggis!
 
Ross comes to the rescue and gives us two Haggi (?) for free......we all dash upstairs to pack, call a taxi and wait for LL to appear.
 We can't find him so Ross goes to his room and says that he is 'cleaning his teeth' and there are clothes all over the floor.  We are really panicking now as the time is getting on and the taxi clock is already ticking...is this a Scottish thing?....
 LL appears, our goodbyes are said to Ross, Embaa and Wolvie (who are heading off to Skye and will be travelling to different places to visit the pubs in Wolvie's bible)..
 
On arriving at Inverness airport,  LL goes to check in, remember,  he didn't do this on line so he has to queue, but there aren't any queues, strange we think, then he comes back saying there isn't a flight at 12.30.  Wiz gets out our flight details only to discover that he had checked the outward flight details not the return.....which is 2.30... 
Somehow this becomes 'my fault' because I didn't throw the old one away???? and is nothing to do with the fact that he read the wrong bit of paper!!!!
So we are 'stuck' at the airport for an extra couple of hours and believe me there really isn't a lot to do at Inverness airport.
 
Anyway we eventually arrive home and on reflection we decide that it was a great weekend and wonder whether we might just want to do it all again next year and wouldn't it be great if we could get more Hashers and take over the B&B........
 
Well that's it folks, I am sure you can appreciate that despite the pain, the rest was great fun, so any takers for next year??????
 
Forever On On,
 Duracell xxx

11th September Eridge Park 10

 

 

Another great race, conditions tougher than last year in terms of volume of mud. Didn't seem to affect Gadge who was first HHHH finishing 2 mins quicker than last year. Vamp returned to the scene  of his "hobble horribilis" last year and completed under 2 hours despite his protests of never getting going. Later at HQ fellow HHHH determined that Vamp's running style (hovering along 1cm above the ground) did not lend itself to running through grass or on uneven ground. Landlord breezed in in fine style which was a relief to Spreaders who had potentially ruined Landlord's weekend by interjecting in a domestic on the previous day. Result : Landlord attending the cash & carry Sat PM and cleared for takeoff for Eridge 10 on sunday.  Lucan - bizarre as usual, not satisfied with the poo-brown T-Shirt requested a non-existent medal instead. Results :- http://www.twharriers.org.uk/sites/default/files/EP10_Results_2011_Rev1.pdf

View from the Potty : Eridge 10
Tricky one this one. I'd raced it before and suffered quite badly in the bog.
Forewarned being forearmed, I went before I left home. On reflection, a very wise move as the porta-potty was in a shocking state (and believe me, I've seen some real wrecks).
There was a disused gel wrapper in there. Who could see fit to eat a "Chocolate Outrage" flavoured Gu, on a porta-potty? What's worse, it looked mainly like the owner had decided to cut out the middle-man and put the chocolate flavoured gel mainly round, and then down the potty. Some sick puppies out there.
As for the race, up and down. Quite long and arduous but the beer was nice.

 

 

4th September Weald & St Georges 10K

 A 10 strong H4 team completed the Weald 10K yesterday. The course was fairly tough - undulating with a nasty climb in the last km to the finish.
 Pre-race entertainment was provided by a church band and choir in a marquee, it left me with a lasting image on the run and I frequently called upon Jesus for some assistance, probably he was busy elsewhere...
 We recruited a new member  she came with a readymade team name "Dame".

Lucan was none the wiser as to who she was but suffice to say, the H4 entry requirements have shifted up a gear..- Only double Olympic champions will now be admitted..

 
Doggy was AWOL so in his place stepped up Wizard providing the crash of the day.

Here is Wizard at full power heading for the line, unfortunately as he dipped for the line in professional style, gravity took over when  his belly swung forward and he performed a full front somersault over the line. Luckily he just avoided the marshals/timekeeper/spectators in the finishing funnel and therefore also avoided a mention in the Sevenoaks Chronicle.

"Wizard single-handedly destroys charity event"

 

 View from the Potty:- Weald 10k
I've never raced a 10k before now, let alone participated in this event and so didn't quite know what to expect. I started my pre-race preparations with a slightly modified approach, ie beans on toast, the idea being that I can utilise a little wind assist, when lighting the fire (and perhaps at the base of that return hill climb at around 9k)
I hadn't actually entered the race either, so I arrived reasonably early, in order to take care of admin.
All very very pleasant with two (somewhat discretely located) porcelain toilets in the old school house/ nursery, which served as race HQ. Minimal queue, meant I was in and taking care of business in pretty short order.
Plenty of loo roll, plus the luxury of an actual toilet brush, enabling me to leave the facility as clean as I found it. All in all, quite exquisite.
An absolute pleasure and I took great pains to tell Dame Kelly that I would be sure to return

 next year, in order to once again leave my mark on this race.
As for the run...not bad, but a bit hilly and about 5k too bloomin long

 

Full results here: http://www.iekchiptiming.com/results/Weald+St+George's+10k-r50.html
(tip - go to this page and do Ctrl+F on your keyboard to bring up a search box in your browser, find Harvel and you can jump to each H4 runner)
.
On On
Spreaders.

 

28-30 July Lakeland50

5 Intrepid H4 in the shape of Wolvie, Nookie, Potty, Spreaders and Beryl set off on an 8hr journey  from Kent to Coniston, Cumbria. On arrival they RV'd with Jess who had a slightly less epic journey south from Carlisle. What follows is the Captain's recollection (with a few memory prods) of quotes and points of interest.

Arrival. - Wolvie, Spreaders and Potty arrived at Coniston School to be met by some very efficient marshals who directed us to our parking place and allocated our "tent" space, the "tent" had to be sited at 90degrees to the vehicle (at this point Spreaders had not revealed "The Marquee". Negotiation then followed about saving a space next to us for Nookie & Beryl following on.. After some banter the Marshals agreed as long as the latter used "the password" (which escapes me now), a space could be reserved.
 

Sign In/Weigh In : The runners skipped off to registration, thereupon were advised we needed to weigh-in. Potty was first to approach the weigh station to be greeted by Medic "McNab" , .."Name.. -Rich Woodhams,  NAME! -Woodhams, Richard "are the clothes you are wearing similar weight to your running kit?" - yes, "do you know what happens when you drink too much water?" Hypo<something> ".."that is serious, you will be in trouble" -oh Potty stands on scales and Andy McNab's 2IC calls from the back "name"? -Woodhams, Richard weight? 81kg Immediately to be chastised by McNAB -81.3KG!!!
Wolvie moves in to adjacent weigh station to be greeted by a medic "stand on the scales mate" ... name"?" - Andy Plummer.. weight? -79.3kg "Alright mate crack-on" Wolvie moves off somewhat disappointed.

Beryl & Nookie duly arrived shortly followed by Jess (afternoon reconnoitre in the Black Bull).

Building Base Camp: Nookie , Beryl & Jess pitched a perfectly reasonable 2man tent, in conjunction with some risky banter with a couple of fit blokes next door (Nookie was off for his weigh in etc) . Spreaders then revealed the 8man marquee, having erected the marquee Spreaders advised we should turn it 180degs so the entrance was facing Nookie/Beryls tent. Having completed the operation Potty observed that in fact there were doors on both sides (it was not the last time he would bring his intellect to play)

Carb Loading

Following the tent erection we just had time for some carb loading at the Black Bull..:-

 

Race Day

Saturday morning 8am, a fair nights kip given multiple trips to the field loo! After a kit check, we filed into the school hall for a briefing on the course, do's and don'ts and more safety info. Hardcore Ultra runners everywhere psyched up and ready to go. One of the event director's - Marc Laithwaite set the stern tone immediately by organising a front to back Mexican wave.. 400+ runners executing perfectly..

Joss Naylor, then wished us good luck with stories of his fell running exploits and finished with a cheery "remember if you start walking you will finish walking"... Potty still reeling from the Mexican wave misheard and thought Joss said "if you start walking.. you might not finish" which worried Potty somewhat,

The start of the 50mile is at a national trust property. The Dalemain Estate. Coaches arrived at Coniston to convey us to the start, there followed about an hour of twisting and turning through narrow lakeland roads, our driver, Bobby Charlton, stopped the coach to get out very 2 miles and readjust his wing mirrors which had just knocked on a tree/branch/wall..

We started @12:30 a little after the advertised start time.. but in the scheme of things to come maybe it was prophetic.

 

1. (9) Dalemain to Howtown There is a start loop around the Dalemain Estate of 6.3km (4.1miles)

 Distance between checkpoints: 11.5km (7.1miles). Ascent: 294m (965ft) Descent: 285m (935ft)

Timing  Leg:    02:27:12    Cumulative:    02:27:12

The start loop of 4.1miles goes around the estate, an opportunity I think for the organisers to weedle out no-hopers and anybody that has not thought to practice running carrying a 7kg pack. During this loop Potty's brain power came to the fore. There were several stiles and gates to cross, for some reason the gates had been left chained closed in most cases and therefore 400+ runners resembled a human version of the Grand National on more than one occasion. At one such point decorum went out of the window:  a particularly rickety gate and stile was being negotiated when Potty / Wolvie veered off to lift the adjacent barb wire fencing for team HHHH to steal a yard. Of course the pack also swarmed under and Potty was congratulated on his intellect by the pack.

The paths on this section were mainly easy going with a road section through the touristy village Pooley Bridge. It was at this point that the heat was apparently getting to Wolvie when he thought Spreaders was making a beeline for the 182 bus on a road crossing in the village. The heat was pretty intense 70+ degrees on the day and the heat was clearly getting to Wolvie after we had covered around 9miles. Potty again brought his intellect to play and took on the mantle of Dr Potty, a role he was to play later in the race. Dr Potty determined that Wolvie was in a bad way and urgently needed to cool off.. Wolvie had set off with tights and shorts over the top (some concern regarding gentlemen's support?) Anyway HHHH pulled up at the side of the trail whereupon Potty went to work getting Wolvie's tights and shorts off. There were one or two queer looks from passing runners, can't imagine why, 3 bald older chaps and a younger gentlemen with nothing on below the waist except trainers.  Nookie was minded to enquire "Next!" as one group of worried ultra runners breezed by.

Dr Potty now in full flow enquired as to the wellbeing of a L100 runner when we passed him, (L100 runners had been through one night already had being going for about 19hrs and 60+miles). The L100 chap answered without looking up "living the dream mate, living the dream.."  We were all inspired if a little worried about what these L100 guys were putting themselves through and in some part where we would be heading..

Wolvie got back on the trail but was clearly not 100%,  Spreaders noting his head was rolling about on his shoulders and he was not picking spots to plant his footsteps, a dangerous game on some of the rough tracks. Sure enough by the time we reached CP10 at Howtown in an old Mill House, Wolvie's persistant ankle problem had also become apparent.

2. (10) Howtown to Mardale Head

Distance between checkpoints: 15.2km (9.4miles) Ascent: 765m (2510ft) Descent: 672m (2205ft)

Timing  Leg:    03:24:53   Cumulative:    05:52:05

At the Howtown checkpoint Wolvie decided that the ankle problem was not going to improve and therefore the wisest move was to abandon at that point.

After a refuel of bananas & cake among other things , Potty, Spreaders and Nookie moved on.  This section contains a climb to "High Kop", the highest point on the course, conversation  flowed to more psychological matters and we agreed to use a "demon-factor" measurement of 1-10 to signify our mental state at any given time. The heat in mid afternoon was intense, Spreaders had to stop on a number of occasions on the steep climbs to get breath, annoyingly Potty and Nookie were holding a perfectly normal conversation about their holidays when Spreaders was listening to his heart beat hammering in his neck! High Kop is a plateau, after a short break to stave off  cardiac-arrest HHHH cracked on-on.. And we marvelled at Nookie's shorts which were so wet with sweat that they appeared to be made of PVC (or had he slipped into some PVC numbers?) Fatigue was setting in, we had been going for over 5 hrs and approaching 20miles in total. Jogging  on a reasonable track alongside Haweswater Spreaders came a cropper and went A over T.  He bounced up immediately with cramp in both legs.  The path alongside Haweswater seems to go on forever, we pulled over for a pitstop on a sofa-rock and were joined by a couple of L100 runners. Potty realised that the guy sitting next to him was Rob - an old work colleague and mad as a fish by the looks of him.

3. (11) Mardale Head to Kentmere

Distance between checkpoints: 10.4km (6.5miles) Ascent: 511m (1677ft) Descent: 589m (1932ft)

Timing  Leg:    02:39:41    Cumulative:    08:31:46

At Mardale Head checkpoint Dr Potty, determined that Spreaders needed a cup of "Salt-Soup" for his cramp, the recipe for which is half a cup of salt and half a cup of soup. It was also at this point that we realised Nookie was not eating anything either at checkpoints or between them. When we asked why the reply was that he "couldn't chew" which seemed odd..(More concerned looks from Dr Potty).
We cracked on toward Kentmere. More steep ascents, and we started to synchronise with other runners who were at a similar pace. We christened them as we saw them and in the next 10hours we  were to see many of them at various points. Memorable among them were the Frank Chickens ( 2 japenese girls apparently cruising along out for an afternoon stroll). Benny Hill - an L100 chap being chased by a L50 lady up yet another hillside, and "The Crab" a tall L50 guy using walking poles with twin headlights on the sides of his head. On a particularly steep section we found an L100 runner laying flat out beside the path in the bracken, he advised he was taking a little nap and we wished him well and suggested he did not roll left into a 200ft ravine. later we were to hear he had completely dozed off in the bracken, woken abruptly and jumped up out of the bracken only to frighten a young family to death who were picnicking within a few metres of him. We made the checkpoint at Kentmere which is an oasis around 27miles in. Potty observed there were "several wrecks of former men" within the village hall which was the checkpoint. The checkpoint is surreal - decorated with fairy lights and David Bowie's "we could be heroes" blasting out. We ate pasta and smoothies + bananas, Nookie declined still unable to chew.  Dr Potty then decided to take corrective action and lovingly attended to his blistered feet. Spreaders took off one shoe and sock and observed what appeared to be a hole at the base of his big toe, treatment consisted of jamming sock and shoe back on and pretending he hadn't seen it. After around 30mins we moved on, it was difficult to get any pace from knackered legs and we collectively decided to "tab" the rest of the way. Happy that the term "tabbing" implied that were taking a choice on our pace. In reality we had had it.

4. (12) Kentmere to Ambleside

Distance between checkpoints: 11.8km (7.3miles) Ascent: 491m (1611ft) Descent: 602m (1975ft)

Timing  Leg:    03:07:42    Cumulative:    11:39:28

Moving on from Kentmere darkness descended, there was no moon and the going got tough, the terrain and footing was very difficult, downhill over rough stone took it's toll. At some point during this section Dr Potty had a wobble, and advised us that he wasn't enjoying it anymore and was going to jack in at Ambleside. Spreaders and Nookie advised Potty they would not accept his wobblyness and at 35miles he should not be thinking of chucking it in, we got talking about how "easy" the section was after Ambleside and Potty seemed to perk up a bit. We decided our "Tabbing" had become bimbling and shamboling but what mattered was that we were still moving. Coming down into Ambleside around midnight we were amongst some mad mountain bikers carrying their bikes up a stony track, Spreaders forgetting his decorum for a moment advised one of the cyclists that the L50 was tough but carrying a bike over your head up a steep trail was idiotic.. The cyclist apparently with a sense of humour failure enquired as to whether Spreaders would like to wear the bike over his head....we bimbled on..  Potty's rehab appeared to be complete after Spreaders enquired as to his state of mind and he replied that he was "ambiguous".  Potty was reminded that "ambiguous" was not a reason to stop on a 50mile race.  We spent some time thinking about this coming into Ambleside. We arrived in the town around midnight and there are revellers in various states of drunkeness and undress. It was heartening to find that no matter how drunk people were they wished us well on our way, Nookie & Potty even received a proposition from some "Milk-Bags" whatever they are?..

5. (13) Ambleside to Chapel Stile

Distance between checkpoints: 8.1km (5miles) Ascent: 234m (768ft) Descent: 213m (699ft)

Timing  Leg:    02:09:39    Cumulative:    13:49:07

After a short stop in the Ambleside sports shop which was the checkpoint we moved on. It was now after midnight and we realised that we were going to arrive in the early hours of the morning without any opportunity to purchase a beer. We spent most of the section trying to get a signal on a phone. When eventually we did we put in an emergency call to Wolvie who was having a tough time with the ladies back in the Black Bull. We dispatched him to the petrol garage to get a dozen cans of lager. We also received a few texts of support and we realised that a number of people were following our progress on the website. This was great encouragement. We were now in the dead of night, navigation fell to the GPS and Spreaders took point and lead a bedraggled crew of up to 20 racers with varying degree of success. At one point Spreaders was ankle deep in a bog and turned around to see a snake of racers following his lead down into it with him.  When we got out of that section and reached a road up on a ridge, Spreaders, was surprised, pleased then pissed off to see an L100 runner following him out of the bog, complimenting him on his navigation and then running off down the lane apparently as fit as a flea.  Later in the section apart from avoiding sheep which appeared out of the gloom either standing asleep or transfixed by our headlights Spreaders was flumoxed by a wide grey track. Nookie enquired as to the direction and the reply was "GPS says straight on"  -  Nookie then pointed out that the grey wide track was in fact a river, and Spreaders conceded that the GPS did not have all the answers.  The final route into Chapel style was confusing to say the least, it appeared that we came into a village and then circled around through a camp site and back onto a road 3 times before we made the chapel style checkpoint.

6. (14) Chapel Stile to Tilberthwaite

Distance between checkpoints: 11.5km (7.1miles) Ascent: 387m (1270ft) Descent: 323m (1060ft)

Timing  Leg:    03:27:09    Cumulative:    17:16:16

Chapel Style checkpoint was a large gazebo on the side of a cottage manned by ladies who reminded us of Catherine Tate's Nan. Handing out tea and broth "with a light touch"  At this point Nookie's can't chew excuse was blown when he was attracted by a beef stew. We sat warmed by a wood burning stove and listened to the crackle of the marshal's Raynet :- "keep a lookout for runner x, last seen at Mardale Head, heading off down into the wrong valley...over.." "not much we can do for him now, if he's got any sense he'll hole up and wait for daylight to check his position....wait..out"  We stared into the flames and contemplated the poor blokes situ as Nookie sucked on his stew.. The garmin battery finally gave out and we switched to garmin 2 "the Quattro" (for some reason, I've no idea why?)  We moved on again, this section was tough although daylight came through to change the outlook, a few times we changed places with 2 L100 guys, a tall guy going apparently going well and a shorter older guy not going so well. It was hard to get much sense out of the smaller guy and Spreaders deduced that he had also lost control of his bowels at some point as it could not be coincidence that the smell of drains was apparent every time he was within 10metres of us.  The Quattro was telling us that we were close on the next checkpoint and we couldn't understand why we had not reached it,  this turned out to be duff gen - the Quattro was measuring Km instead of miles! Coming down into Tilberthwaite the terrain was again very tough on the feet, our bimbling then shambling had finally turned into wombling, the pain and the humour blurring into one.  Somewhere along here though Nookie had a wobble when he cried out in pain.. When we enquired as to his problem he replied that he had "stubbed his toe"  This was his first complaint in 17hrs and 45miles and reduced Potty and Spreaders to a fit of giggles. Nookie didnt appear to take this well and when Potty overtook him in what appeared to be a jog down a steep riverbed Nookie was minded to punch him on the nose. Of course Potty was not actually running,  his wombling had got out of control under the force of gravity.

7. (15) Tilberthwaite to Coniston

Distance between checkpoints: 5.7km (3.5m) Ascent: 283m (928ft) Descent: 385m (1263ft)

Timing  Leg:    01:38:26    Cumulative:    18:54:42

Tilberthwaite checkpoint was a mobile food van in a quarry with a few chairs strewn about. The next section was steep up and down, a section Spreaders remembered with caution as the previous year he had taken a wrong turn and headed over a ravine and got lost for 40+minutes.. Not ideal after 45 miles.. Potty was encouraged to crack on up the steep path by Spreader's who advised that he was not going to have that bloke who had shat himself pass us again!  The climb is tough and rounds a number of headlands, at one point Potty remarked "we're going into the sky" and was reminded to get his head down and crack on as that shat-himself bloke was out of the checkpoint below us and coming up.. The climb up to the top was little relief, the descent was harder still on toes which had had enough of all this. Mobile contact was made with Wolvie who confirmed he was coming out to meet us as we came into Coniston, the sight of him jogging up to join us gave us all a lift for the final push into the finish at Coniston School.  Slightly bizarre was the sight of Beryl not at the finish but at the campsite entrance 50 yards down the road. Later we found that she had taken Spreaders literally when he said H4 would not accept any blubbing at the finish by competitors or supporters and so she was keeping her distance.  We headed into the school to rounds of applause for the weigh in and decent cup of tea..

 

That's it, I'd like to thanks everyone who took part, supported and sent messages of support. As expected this was tough, maybe tougher than we had thought and just possibly we will be back next year for some more of the same...
On On
Spreaders

 

H5 2011 Saturday June 4th 2011

Another superb H5 : Thanks to everyone who took part and helped in the organisation on the day.

Massive effort by H4 and an army of volunteers.  6months preparation, major pains with the road closures, marshalling, setup and management on the green, registration and race organisation. Culminated in an excellent day, Even the weather came together..
See H5 link on front page for photos and results : http://www.harvelh3.org/

 

14/15 May 2011
Bedgebury 10k / Apeing About / Sevenoaks Seven (Thanks to correspondents, Nookie & Duracell)

Fantastic turn out by HHHH with some great runs, very enjoyable day, particularly giving abuse from the ground while “monkeys” flail about in the trees. Great picture of a dead one by Duck. We (I) nearly managed to leave it lying on the grass.

 

Race results by HHHH

                                Chip time             Position                Cat Position

Gadge                       45.58                     64/730                  4/61

Spreaders                48.38                     128/730                104/315

Wolverine                49.34                     145/730                115/315

Nookie                     51.36                     195/730                22/61

Embaa                     54.42                     312/730                64/321

Duracell                  56.29                     375/730                10/32

Beryl                      59.57                     484/730                160/321

Duck                      63.02                     565/730                211/321

Doggy                    65.10                     617/730                54/61

 

Photos:-

Isla Hooking Up

Dippy Hooking Up

Duck in Flight

Vamp eyeing up a rake for a comedy landing

H4 Troop

Monkeys don't always sleep in Trees

 

Sevenoaks 7

 

Very good conditions if not a little chilly at the start, the usual tough course, it took a little while for the legs to get going but the three of us managed to get into some sort of stride after a while. Not a large field this year, numbers definitely a lot down from previous years.

 

Nookie                 61.08                     157/258                                23/35

Duracell                66.52                     208/258                                2/5 !!!

Duck                      70.35                     229/258                                31/40                     NB:         The fleece did not make the journey to Sevenoaks !!

 

Age must be calling on all of us, we tried to read the result page posted on the wall showing the leading times but none of us could.

 

On On

 

Nookie

 

 

Well done HHHH!!!!,

 

Fantastic turn out for the run and Go Ape.  I know it was an expensive race but it was a lovely course and one that I thought suited Harvel quite well.

 

Nookie and I had a great time following the monkeys around,  Doggie, in his capacity as official photographer, captured the start and I am sure will send you all snap shots of the occasion.

 

Beryl has to be thanked for organising the event and for her majestic presentation of certificates at the finish, she also reduced me to tears of laughter with her antics with the stirrups, on a particularly death defying high wire act in the tree tops.  I wonder what David Attenborough would have made of her behaviour!!!  But well done Beryl, it's one thing watching but another to do it,  as I know from my own horrific experience....

 

Congratulations also go to Duck who bravely faced the heights and was heard to say (with an Hungarian accent) " bloody hell, I was shitting myself" after she crash landed at the end of a very long Zip Wire.......

 

So a fantastic achievement to all, there were so many amusing antics I could be here forever but fortunately  for you, I have to go and run the 7'oaks 7, with Nookie and Duck, who glowing from the successes of yesterday, decided that she was up for more and made a late entry last night.......

 

Forever On On,

 

Duracell xxx

30/04/2011

May Hash, (alright April)

Evening All, Hope everybody enjoyed the Hash today, excellent turnout. Firstly I would like to say it was good to see another hash virgin today, in the shape of Wilks. The run was a little different from usual, starting from Stansted, on a Saturday, and at 10am. The variety continued with the Hares' trail marking.

 

 I feared the worst when at the first junction 15 runners took a false trail and disappeared up into a wood. At the next junction there was a minor uprising lead by Doggy the RA (Religious Adviser, arbiter of hash protocol). Having avoided the shambles at the first junction and feeling happy having identified another false trail he confidently lead the pack off down the road to a large "X". Backtracking to a stile initially ignored because there was no circle by it, the trail was correctly identified. There was a good deal of chuntering about "rules" which received the usual response and the pack now understood how it was going to be as they puffed up the first steep hill.

 

Other notables:- Vamp! It's the first time this century Jeff has ventured out at the weekend before 11am, lets hope this new enthusiasm continues. Gadge, perhaps overdosed on JBs, tore off up yet another false trail and was completely AWOL for 10mins. (1. Nobody could keep up with him anyway, 2. Nobody could be ar$ed to go with him even if they could have kept up with him).  Lord Lucan, obvious I know.  The pack (including 4 dogs) successfully traversed a field of the largest Cows I've seen, crossing 2 stiles and an electric fence without incident whereupon Lord Lucan appeared at a tangent from a hedgerow 100 yards to the east, how or why we shall never know.

The sipstop was taken around the 4 mile point at a viewpoint near Fairseat May Hash - note Doggy, staring into his John Smith's still wrestling with Hash "Rules")

The finish came through Stansted church and the On Inn, possibly the shortest in living memory, was lead out by Landlord who issued the command -Charge! The pack duly responded lighting their collective fires for the final burst.

 

Funniest moment of the day was at HQ some while after the Hash. Jenson Murphy seems to taken to making a beeline for any available crotch. (I had deployed a couple of backhands and a top-spin forehand to keep my own crown jewels in tact). Anyway Doggy reappeared at the doorway having left HQ once already, he immediately started (re)explaining his afternoon plans when Jenson seized the opportunity and Doggy's unmentionables. Doggy to be fair didn't miss a beat and continued his explanation while swatting Jenson away like a troublesome knat.

Perhaps flushed with his success Jenson then wheeled away in an arc and took a lady walker from behind. By the look on her face Jenson was clearly bang on target. It occurred to me this brings a whole new meaning to the term "waiting to be serv(ic)ed at the bar!   On On – Spreaders

 

18/04/2011

London Marathon Washup

HHHH,

Superb day at the VLM. Beryl was up at 04:30 to pick up the bus and immediately decorate it with "Sunshine Bus" mobiles.. Decorative if a little "Care in the community". Runners: Potty, Nookie, Embaa, Wilks and Ambling Andy were dropped at Blackheath with supporters Wolverine and Embaa's Mum.

Potty reported a fine selection of Portaloos, selecting one at random and performed a full high volume test, declaring  it "fit for purpose"

 

The sunshine bus was parked up at covent garden. Spreaders and Jnr Spreaders tested London Undergound's assurance of a "Good Service" and deployed to Canada Water on the Jubilee line. Beryl and Beryls friend went tight on Embankment Bridge. W & E's M, went to Tower Bridge and waited under the bridge for Embaa to come clip-clopping along (Wolverine's are related to Trolls)

 

The supporters kept in contact by text, Beryl reminiscent of Bravo Two Zero on the Iraq/Syrian border reporting 18 baggage-launching  trucks and one spare heading to Birdcage but no Scud Missiles (thankfully).

Back at Canada Water S &JS saw the front runners at the 9mile point (women through in 47mins! Men 42Mins!) Potty was the first HHH through at around 11am - not satisfied with the plethora of kenyan pace makers he had brought his own personal pacemaker in the form of Wilks.  Wilks perhaps affected by Beryl's sunshine bus had not realised this was a serious business and spent his time squirting the crowd with water & generally showboating.

 

W and E's M, reported Nookie & Embaa at Tower Bridge going well. B & B's F reported 33 trucks now through and some wheelchairs in the mix at Embankment. S & Js, W & E's M regrouped at Canary Wharf at 19miles. Potty going easy, Embaa apparently cruising (we later found out she was 3 Ibruprofin in to her 5 Ibruprofin race strategy) Nookie at this stage was MIA.  S & Js, W & E's M fell back to 25mile point on the Embankment. Potty by this time was gloating at the finish with a new PB. Wilks brought his man in over the tough last few miles in which Potty had to be physically steered as he had begun to error, he reported he had been following a Zebra which was chasing a Lion and he could catch neither.. B & B'S F broke radio silence and spotted Nookie at Embankment, battling demons, Spongebob Squarepants and a Smurf. Embaa followed in breezing along in Ibruprofin-Land.

 

Following the RV we departed by sunshine bus back to HQ with Stella, Cider & some quality Pork Pies..

Final Results:-

 

WOODHAMS, RICHARD M (GBR)                  03:35:57

Johnson, Michael Martin (GBR)                      04:20:16

HUXTABLE, EMILY M (GBR)                        04:43:27

 

Regards & On On.

 

Spreaders

 

07/04/2011

HHHH,

Good numbers for Tuesday's run, which was largely uneventful except for Vamp who "opened his legs and showed his class" in an impromptu excursion with the FRBs.

On On - Spreaders

 

30/03/2011

Hi All, Tues Training debrief.

The HHHH stretching club went to a new level last night (see attached). There must be a clubname for Terri here somewhere..?

 

Big turnout with 16 runners, good to see a Gadge and Wolverine returning back from Injury and a first outing for Vamp - out of hibernation - confused perhaps by the clocks going forward? Doggy plotted our first Tuesday cross-country course which was a welcome variation. Beryl worried sheep, the whole pack worried in a field full of cattle and there was a rare beast sighting in the form of Hairy Ken.

 

 It did not go unnoticed when Duck powered ahead at the halfway point to lead the pack at the turn for home, at which point Doggy deployed his turbo and promptly had his first big crash of the season! Doggy was not deterred, and battled on despite obvious damage to his Gyro which put him out of his usual orbit. Some SCBs appeared to take advantage of this and made up their own routes back.. There was no response from Doggy despite urgent enquiries by Gadge. "are we going up swearing hill, are we GOING UP SWEARING HILL??" It was noted that a number of the pack were at the top of Swearing without appearing to break sweat but the brave souls who tackled it were too knackered to remonstrate.

 

We returned to HQ, the stretching club did their thing and Doggy had his wounds tended to by Nurse Angie Nightingale..

On On.

Spreaders.

 

28/3/2011

1* Another good turn out for the Paddock Wood half marathon. On a day which washotter than any weather forecasters predicted.

 

Potty tested the portaloo's to destruction, Titch bugled, Doggy deployed his H5 turbo leafleting. Mr Clean, 'easy 2hr' finished 1;46 ish!

 

Duracell and Embaa decided 13 was not enough and continued back 5 miles to an old church for tea and cakes. Terri, cruised around it seemed having a "thoroughly enjoyable morning." Lord Lucan didn't get lost but later at the Ammy forgot where he had been.

 

Potty explained how his plan was to "light the fire around mile10" but was somewhat dampened by Mr Clean's  "*$ck-me Potty you're way down" when Potty managed to catch up with him. Woverine turned up after a tough morning in the garden still wearing the top half of his pyjamas..

Results here:-  http://www.sportsystems.co.uk/ss/results/Half%20Marathon/486
On On

Spreaders

 

28/2/2011

HHHH Morning all, luckily we had clear weather Sunday morning. Six sturdy Hashers set out 5 1/2 returned (Jim hope your achilles isn't as bad as it looked?). Doggy managed to clear the speed humps in the last 50m and retuned in tact.

 

Results are here :-

http://www.twharriers.org.uk/sites/default/files/2011TunbridgeWellsHalfMarathon.pdf

** Searching for HHHH, I note we were lead home by the Ghost of Gadge ?? **

On On

Spreaders.